Be careful what you wish for someone said long ago to someone who was probably discovering the power of intent. And in a two minute exchange of chemistry that seemed to take place almost with the intention of reminding me that I am alone – I am reminded of my wish. I want isolation and solitude for a few days – to be alone with the water and my thoughts … but for what exactly?
To finish writing? To have clarity? To remember my purpose? Funny all the words that exist in my vocabulary organized perfectly on pages, in chapters, bound together in a book won’t provide that. I know that, but still feel compelled. I want to be alone to recreate feelings to tell a story yet the recreation will never capture the actuality. That moment where you lose the ability to take a complete breath as your heart beats a little faster.
While I keep telling myself not to be distracted, as there a bigger picture to be drawn, the simple picture drawn with the basic Crayola 8 box seems mighty attractive right now.
Driving now, through pueblo to pueblo my perspective of these little dots on the map has greatly shifted. At first, I couldn’t understand the contentment to live in the middle of what most of us would describe as nowhere is actually this very important somewhere to somebody. I could not understand the peace of mind in simply staying put, working the land, talking to the same neighbors, coming home to the same partner, for a lifetime .. something must be missing I thought. Missing in their drive for live, thirst for more, quest for knowledge. But perhaps I, and so many many of my conocidos, are the ones who have it missing. As at the end of the day, we can save the world – but if we haven’t found our own little “nowhere” to come back to – what is the point?
Feeling the pull of two very real realities … and like I said, be careful what you wish for. I wished for tranquility on the sea – and I have it. I always get what I wish for – but so many times have made the wrong wish.